Taboo

It was the summer of '64 or was it '65? I could never remember. I met her. I met one of them. The subhuman. And a feeling, a feeling never before experienced started to brew inside me. It wasn't hate. It wasn't disgust and it wasn't repulsion.  There was no sign of  hate, the conventional trait expected from that of the upper class white man towards a negroe.
Black, her skin was dark, smooth and so clear. I had never seen a creature so beautiful yet so dark.  Tight jet black curls lay in an unruly mass on top of her head, her baby hairs lay tucked neatly under the tribal print patterned head band that rested on her head. Her full lips curved into a smile revealing a set of surprisingly perfectly aligned white teeth.
Why were her features normal?
Why was her smile perfect?
Why did her hair keep me mesmerised?
Why did I want to touch her smooth dark mahogany skin?
Why did I want to touch her?
She was a living taboo, and I didn't care.
Shit! Dammit.
An indescribable anger was growing inside of me, so strong I wanted to hurt her, this beautiful Nubian queen. The anger soon turned to hate. How dare she make me feel this way. This, this vile creature, my subordinate. How dare she?! How dare she smile at me, how dare she even look normal? How dare she make me fall for her?
I was livid and I wanted her to know it. She simply had to pay.

It was so easy to wash the blood off of my hands. Surprisingly easy in fact.
I hadn't meant to kill her... It just sort of...happened.
I had found myself wanting to protect her from the dangers of this cruel world, from the preying eyes of other men, from the racial defamation of the white man, of my people. I had found myself loving her.
And it had to stop. It was not right. It wasn't! I had to stop these evil feelings from creeping up on me, I had to stop her from feeling. And the only way to do that was...
In the long run, she would thank me. I'm sure of it.
Love a black woman? Pfffft. Impossible. People of the dirt, creatures of the slums. It wasn't going to happen. Not on my watch.